In keeping with the season

Posted: December 18, 2006 in Holidays

Last year I bitched about Rudolph.

This year I bring you a new look at the Night Before Christmas *

‘Twas the night before Christmas, Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind toscrap the whole works!
I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of “Thanks Santa”, what do I hear?

The old lady bitches ‘cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money. The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes! If that ain’t funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus money?

And the kids these days; they all are the pits
They want the impossible, those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls…Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo-yos, no request for them
They want computers and robots…they think I’m IBM!
Flying through the air…dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I’m quitting this job there’s just no enjoyment
I’ll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There’s no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde.
I’m going SOUTH for the season

*Author unknown, but I thank him/her for the laugh

  1. Steven Novak says:

    Santa likes to eat cooch?Who’d have thunk it? ;)Steve~

  2. Jazz says:

    Steve – You just never know about Santa…

  3. Jocelyn says:

    I’m thinking the author is a rapper…Did Kanye West drop this tune as a holiday novelty song? I wish I could hear *this* kind of music when I’m out shopping.

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