Observatons and Blatherings

Posted: June 6, 2007 in Uncategorized

In probably the most misguided case of corporate sponsorship ever, Montreal’s Paramount cinema has become the Scotia Bank Cinema. Yes indeedy, the Scotia Bank Cinema.

Guy 1 – How about we catch the 9:00 showing at the Scotia Bank?
Guy 2 – ???

Kinda kills any mystique that was left in going to the movies. As far as I’m concerned, most of that died off when they started installing coffee shops and restaurants and bumper cars at the movies, but then I’m a curmudgeonly old broad.

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In the wide world of TV commercials meanwhile:

How utterly stupid is that Special K commercial where the girl has been dumped and her girlfriends come by for moral support and comfort food and they bring: Special K! With strawberries in it! Comfort and low calories!

May I just insert here: Bull-f**king-shit. I don’t care how “good” those dried out pieces of fake strawberry** are, that ain’t comfort food. Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia? Yep. Haagen Daazs Mayan Chocolate? Hell yeah. But Special K? I think not.

And Special K with chocolate pieces in it? Isn’t Special K supposed to be an adult cereal?

Then you have that new series of Viagra commercials. With the people speaking in tongues. If you haven’t had sex in so long that it has you speaking in tongues, maybe you should forget about having sex at all; it’s just making you look like an idiot…

However the Oscar for my most hated lines from TV commercials goes ex-aequo to:

Immodium for “Because there’s never a good time for diahrrea” Really? And here I always thought Friday afternoons between 2:30 and 3:45 was a wonderful time for it…

and

Always for “Have a happy period” As if!

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T-shits are getting bizarre. I’m not sure I’m understaning the imagery anymore. Maybe because I’m morphing into the above mentioned curmudgeonly old broad .

Recent contenders for the wierdest T-shirt award:

– A picture of Che Guevara (been there, done that) with crossbones floating beneath his face on a baby pink t-shirt. I don’t understand the symbolism of this one. Che, no problem. A skull and crossbones no problem, but a mix of the two??? And I’m willing to bet the girl wearing it has no idea who Che was. (“Oh, I think, like, he was this dude? And, like, he was against, like, Cuba or something?”)

– A black t-shirt with a skull printed on it. Makes sense. Nihilistic teen and all. The skull, however was surrounded in rhinestones… lots of them. Bling galore. Hmmmm.

======================================================

Lastly: Facebook.

I received an invitation to join Facebook last week. I have no idea who this person is, I have basically no idea what Facebook is. OK, that’s not quite right, it’s a place you go to stalk people from high school isn’t it? (So not gonna happen). I’ve never even been there, and yet, people I don’t know from Adam (or maybe I don’t remember I know, which somehow scares me much more as possibilities go) are asking me to join.

Is it like My Space? And what exactly is MySpace?

Damn, I’m so hopelessly 20th century…

** Reminds me of a story my mom told me when I saw her recently. There’s this nutjob who lives in her appartment complex. She was telling her that she buys Special K with strawberries in it, takes out the strawberries, saves them in a jar, and when she has enough she makes strawberry jam. I kid you not! Seems the concept of buying fresh berries, or even frozen ones in winter to make her jam is just a little too over the top for this lady.

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Comments
  1. ticknart says:

    First, if people go so long without sex that their speaking in tongues, those people need to learn how to masturbate properly. It really takes the edge off.Second, MySpace seems to be, mostly, for young people to lie about their age and then be hit on by creepy older guys pretending to be high school age. Facebook hasn’t been around long enough to be that creepy, yet. Give it time, though.

  2. Evil Spock says:

    Ah, how Evil Spock loves your rant and raves. At 32, Evil Spock is also a curmudgeon who dislikes MySpace and Facebook.As far as t-shirts go, Evil Spock likes refreshing new designs that you can’t get everywhere. Check out Threadless.com for some haute couture by independent artists.

  3. Voyager says:

    I’m with you on the t-shirts. There is a shop on Robson street that sells hundresd, with stuff I don’t get at all. When I was in high school the most subversive t-shirt said “I’m with stupid”.V.

  4. Big Brother says:

    Mom must have a a good chuckle about that. Special K strawberry bits to make jam… how weird is that.As for the commercials, the viagra commercial is the one I find the weirdest. Why are they talking in tongues? Is it because they had sex and don’t want people to know? Is there a side effect to viagra that makes you talk in klingon? Anyhow how about the killer giants with gastro-intestinal problems being cured by a huge bottle of pepto-bismol as a nomination?

  5. Jazz says:

    Ticknart – Maybe you’d want to teach them your techniques? Hmmm, maybe I could go stalk children at MySpace… can I be arrested for saying that?Evil Spock – And how I love your political plans! Those t-shirts? The Jazzer is LOVING them.Voyager – Really subversive… especially if it was true.BB – All I can say is thank god I’ve never seen the Pepto Bismol commerical.

  6. ticknart says:

    Aw, Jazz, I don’t do anything special. I just use my imagination to the best of my ability.

  7. Tai says:

    Wow Jazz, that was a lot of stuff going on in that big ol’ brain of yours!But I’m with you on the ‘Imodium’ commercials. I’ll never buy the stuff because of their commercials. Ever. Not even in my most dire hour.I despise stupid ads.

  8. Jocelyn says:

    I can’t even highlight my favorite piece of deliciousness from this post. For sure, next time I hit a hard patch, I want YOU to be the one who comes over. You will bring the right stuff.But the jam from the dried strawberries? Simultaneously weird and sad, that.

  9. geewits says:

    I don’t know why but I’ve been puzzling over the cereal jam all day. I’m your age but I don’t know what facebook is either, although someone I sorta know invited me to join (a fellow blogger). Maybe I’ll go check it out. Fortunately I don’t have any TV commercials that I hate right now. I love watching that gecko walk around and scratch his belly, though.

  10. Jazz says:

    Tai – Sometimes there’s way to much junk rattling around in that brain of mine.Jocelyn – Funny how that is, sometimes the best posts are the ones you hardly give a thought to.Geewits – Oh yeah, I love those gecko commercials. D’you have geckos in Texas? I’m totally fascinated by the critters.

  11. Mr. Jazz says:

    Anshtrook beeblebop flageddy twitchik! Galaïna shacklefrudder…

  12. Jazz says:

    Mr. Jazz – Welcome to my blog sweetums… And for the record, you’re absolutely right.

  13. Ian Lidster says:

    Thank you for clearing up when is the ‘good’ time for diarrhea, because I’d often wondered. “Is this a good time for diarrhea, hon? No. OK, thanks for that.”Ian

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