Posted: October 31, 2007 in Uncategorized

Dear little ghouls and ghosties,

I’m all happy for you that it’s halloween an’ shit. The day where you can actually have candy with the blessing of your moms and dads . Well, actually, seeing the size of many of you little pumpkins, you have their blessing most of the time, eh? A word of advice, just be careful they don’t steal the best of your haul to eat behind the wheel of their giant SUVs on the way to and from work.

Now, I’m sure you’ll be all excited to get dressed up, and you’ll be cute and adorable as Holly the Hooker, Peter the Pimp, Greg the Gangsta and Carole the Crackhead, but sorry, I’m not playing.

I’m Scrooging Halloween. That’s right, I’ve decided to dress up as Scrooge this year. Bah, Humbug!

See, I live in a triplex, on the top floor. With my door way down there at the bottom. There is no way in hell that I’m going to be trotting up and down three flights of stairs all evening distributing candy to help fatten you up some more for the Evil Witch of Diabetes to snatch you up and haul you away.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s Halloween after all. And no, I don’t have anything against Halloween and candy and the whole fun evening. I simply cannot be bothered. Besides I have people coming to dinner. Real people (ok, that was uncalled for, but it’s staying). Actually, adult people with whom I can have an interesting conversation (remember munchkins, never end a sentence in a preposition – it’s not ‘who I can have an interesting conversation with’ – Maybe I should dress up as a grammar whore).

Sorry, but interesting conversation, a good meal and good wine beat the hell out of distributing treats any day of the week. Especially Wednesday.

Unless of course you all would like a nice glass of cabernet to go to with those snickers?

It’ll take the edge of the whole “get to the door first for the best candy” competition. I promise.

  1. I’m with you, halloween scrooge. While the kids get high on candy, what better way to spend the evening than with some intoxicating grown-up conversation and clever wine.

  2. choochoo says:

    if you can’t use them to get tons of free candy once a year, then what’s the point of having kids???

  3. geewits says:

    Three flights of stairs? You have chosen well.

  4. ticknart says:

    English ain’t Latin or one of the languages that bastardized Latin. In English, ending sentences in prepositions was fine until the fucking Normans invaded and brought their fancy bastardized Latin with them.I say, to English speakers, end your sentences with prepositions!

  5. Foxtrot says:

    I hope you will decant that wine well my dear friend… Cabs need decanting for a few hours :)As for Halloween, we’ve sorted out our problem, we forbid little monsters to go from door to door in the building. The concierge takes care of them lol

  6. Hageltoast says:

    mwahahahaha. My i’m an antisocial git door sign covers trick or treaters too, and the skip on the drive is a suitable obstacle to munchkins.

  7. Tai says:

    Don’t you even THINK of wasting a nice cab on the wretches!May the Evil Witch of Diabetes feast well tonight. heh!

  8. Ian Lidster says:

    Too many of them would probably prefer the cabernet these days. But, my dear Grammar Whore (love that) friend, you have been tagged, so check out my blog if interested. If you’re not, I’ll love you just the same.

  9. Jocelyn says:

    The one holiday I can stand is Halloween. Of course, I had to drink an Oatmeal Stout while handing out candy tonight.A girl can only tolerate so many fairies and serial killers without liquid sedation.

  10. Rhea says:

    There is a street in my Boston neighborhood where they cut off the traffic and all the houses decorate and the kids and dogs run around having a blast and the adults drink wine. Maybe you could join them?

  11. Tai says:

    (you’re the only one who GOT that over at my blog so far. I thought it was SO funny, but maybe it just wasn’t obvious enough) Thanks Jazz!

  12. Josie says:

    I don’t mind the little kids so much, as the idiotic adults. Yesterday morning, I noticed half the folks in town were in costume – on their way to work. Devils, prostitutes, ghouls. They all looked ridiculous. Halloween is for little (teeny) kids, not adults.

  13. Jazz says:

    UP – Yeah, nothing quite like a clever glass of wine.Choochoo – Hmmm when you look at it that way….Geewits – Yes, I have chosen well.Ticknart – As one of those Normans you disparage, all I have to answer is “Your mother smells of elderberries”Foxtrot – but of course, decanting is “de rigueur”.Toast – I want an “I’m an antisocial git” door sign too.Tai – you know I wouldn’t waste good wine.Ian – I did as I was told. The results are one post up. I began to hate you half way through.Jocelyn – liquid sedation. I like that.Rhea – Next Halloween I’m heading for BostonTai – Really? It seemed obvious to me.

  14. ticknart says:

    I, too, happen to be a smidge Norman. It’s just that my people believed that you should learn and accept the language of the county they choose to make their home in.:-p

  15. Jazz says:

    Ah but Ticknart, way back in 1066 when the Normans invaded, if you won you were the boss and did whatever you pleased – including deciding that you don’t end a sentence with prepositions. I’m thinking after 900+ years, they have time on thir side.;-)

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