Dear young woman on the bus

Posted: May 23, 2008 in Correspondence

I couldn’t help but overhear you saying to your friend that your boyfriend is obviously laughing at you when he says he doesn’t think you’re fat – and for the record, he’s right. You obviously have body image issues you need to deal with. But then we all wasted tons of time at your age on body issues….

That, however is not the point of this missive.

Thing is, your boyfriend? He really doesn’t think you’re fat. Even if you were 30 lbs overweight he wouldn’t think you’re fat. He’d would (and does) think you’re hot.

There’s a thing you gotta understand about men. They’re simple creatures, they are. Your extra weight doesn’t even register on his radar because he’s in the same room with A. NAKED. WOMAN! He’s so thrilled about that little fact that a “poofy” stomach or a “fat” ass isn’t an issue in any way shape or form. All men are still 13 somewhere inside (especially if he’s your age, somewhere around 25). They long for the day when they’ll have a flesh and blood naked woman to play with, rather than a centerfold in their dad’s Playboy. Real flesh is so much better than paper flesh, and they are forever grateful they have access to it.

So relax, he thinks your hot. Accept your body – it makes sex ever so much better if you don’t have to worry about it. Don’t waste the next 10 or 15 years beating yourself up over your body; try to learn that lesson more quickly.

Besides, one word: Gravity.

Whatever your “problem” is, it’ll only get worse, better enjoy your body now. It’s quite ironic that we begin to love ourselves only once gravity hits. Women? Not simple creatures…

Wisely,

Jazz

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dear young woman on the bus:

Mr. Jazz has a totally different take on what I overheard.

When I told him, he said that if you were saying loud enough to be overheard, you didn’t really believe it and it was just a bid for sympathy. Basically, he thinks you are a moron.

Mr. Jazz has his cynical moments – probably from living with me for 20 years.

Mr. Jazz also has no patience with the “oh I’m fat” thing – as I learned quite quickly many years ago.

Maybe your boyfriend will run out of patience with your whining too.

Warningly,

Jazz

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Comments
  1. Gnightgirl says:

    Bravo. I wish you’d written that to me when I was 19 and freaked out and depressed that I’d tagged up to 130 pounds. Oh. My. God. Could barely leave the house. Hell, my left thigh weighs 130 pounds now, and I march around the house with naked abandon. Don’t tell anyone though; I wouldn’t want a line at the window.Great post.

  2. XUP says:

    When I overhear young women talking about themselves & their love lives I’m always amazed at how naive they sound given the plethora of information that’s out there now on everything. It’s sometimes exhausting to listen to — them reliving the same stuff millions before them have lived through in almost the same way and no one ever learning anything from the generations before them

  3. Yep, one good thing about being late 40s is that you finally learn just how futile some of our thoughts in those days were. And I will admit to having no patience whatsoever to the overanalyzing of comments, gestures and any other stuff. Now if that young woman could just believe in herself that would be amazing but… circle of life 🙂

  4. furiousBall says:

    i would like to go on the record as being pro-naked women

  5. Em says:

    Like Mr Jazz, I have little patience with it cause for two reasons. One, it is usually said by people who have no business claiming they are fat. And two, who cares? Beauty is not about being a stick with a head.And as a male, I guess I should be offended that you reduced us to semi-13 year olds. But sadly, I have to admit, you are right! LOL

  6. ticknart says:

    Not to totally disagree with you Jazz, but sometimes the guy does think the girl is fat, even if she is naked. The thing is, if it bothers him, if he thinks the fat makes her ugly, he won’t say anything about it until he wants to hurt her.It’s one of those horrible bits of ammunition that men have that can almost always hurt a women. Not that we’re supposed to tell you about it.For the most part your right, though. Naked woman trumps almost anything.

  7. Jazz says:

    Gnightgirl – you wouldn’t have believed me, any more than I would have at that age…XUP – No one ever learns anything from the generation before. If we did, humanity would be way farther along than it is.HD – Yeah, circle of lifeFuball – Obviously.Em – I’m right on this one, and I cringe to think of all the equivalent things about woment you could trot out.Ticknart – You’re right about that. Men and women both have those little bits of ammunition that go straight in and do maximum damage. It would be nice if we didn’t use them though. It’s just too easy. Not fair I think.

  8. Dumdad says:

    Real men don’t like stick insects. And no woman in real life looks like the airbrushed magazine pictures. There are far more important things to worry about in this life.Re your last post and blogging: I think your comment about letter writing is spot-on, certainly for me. I used to write tons of letters until emails came along and eroded that pleasure.And I love being able to play with pictures and videos and also have some feedback from family and friends and other bloggers.And, hey, it’s FREE!!!!!

  9. Ian Lidster says:

    Me and Mr. Jazz are on the same page on this one. Believe me, when you are down and doing the naughty adiposity doesn’t enter the equation.Years ago in single days I had a ‘friend’ who would be described as ‘plump’. She was utterly fabulous and the fact she was a ‘big girl’ never detracted from the equation.Good one, dear

  10. geewits says:

    I have to admit to being slow on this one. When I started to gain weight I couldn’t imagine that my husband could find me attractive. Then I heard about that whole body image killing your sex life thing a few years ago and we discussed it and I got over it. But I was slow.

  11. Jocelyn says:

    Hot damn, Mr. Jazz. He’s smart about all kinds of women…and smart enough to get all bothered over his own Mrs.

  12. Big Brother says:

    I’ll go with Mr. Jazz lil sister… she definitely wanted someone to tell her, “Oh no. that can’t be right, he loves you and no you’re not fat you’re just a little curvy…” Also face it, do you know any guy who is suicidal enough to answer his girlfriend by saying…”Look darling you are fat, but I love you anyway” If he were to say that he’d be the ex-boyfriend in 2 seconds flat even if it was the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth is sometimes not the best strategy. Discretion is much better. ;o)

  13. Jazz says:

    Dumdad – Gotta love freebies!Ian – “Doing the naughty”… I love that.Geewits – I was slow too. I think most of us are. Which is a shame, so much lost time.Jocelyn – I love me my Mr.BB – what is it they say, discretion is the better part of valour – or something to that effect.

  14. Great post!! I have to agree with Mr. Jazz though. Women want validation from other women, not the men that they are with. I have always thought that is why women wear makeup, and do their hair–so that other women will notice.I agree that men are simple. You do your make-up and hair…and ask them how your hair looks–they give you a quizzical glance, and say “What hair?”…LOLFeed them, love them, and talk to them about sports once in a while–and they are content creatures.hugs!Suzan

  15. That’s funny – I had a boyfriend many years ago who insisted that no man matured beyond the age of 13.

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