Correspondence

Posted: June 26, 2008 in Correspondence

Dear Blogger:

Why did you eat yesterday’s post? Why do you hate me so? Or alternatively, have I become such a spaz that I’m incapable of posting a simple diatribe?

Don’t answer that.

Confusedly,

Jazz

=================

Dear City of Montreal,

I’ve been puzzling over this issue for the past couple of weeks. Why did you lay down speed bumps in the alley?

As long as the alley is as busted up as it is, there is really no point. You can’t drive over 10km/hr in that alley without actually taking the bottom out of your car. It’s quicker to saunter through that alley than to drive it.

Yesterday I watched a car go over a speedbump and fall into a pothole the size of an ostritch nest on the other side.

You are wasting my tax dollars.

You are idiots.

Bumpily,

Jazz

=================

Dear Fashion Magazines,

It’s the end of June. Why is it that last week I received the AUGUST issue of your magazine?

I have finally been able to start wearing my summer clothes in the past month and you are showing me clothes for the fall.

I don’t want to look at autumn/winter clothes. I don’t care who the designer is, it’s utterly ridiculous to be trying to sell me fall clothes right now.

I! DON’T! WANT! THEM!

And seriously, nor does anyone I know.

I know you did this issue six months ago, and as such, are perhaps a little disconnected from reality, but maybe you should try to plug into it sometime.

You are idiots too.

Sartorially,

Jazz

=================

Dear Turkish Soccer Team,

I SOOOOOOOOOOO wanted you to win. But you put up a brillant fight for a team that wasn’t supposed to make it out of the first round.

Thank you for some positiviely brilliant soccer games,

Sadly,

Jazz

=================

Dear German Soccer Team,

I hope you lose the final. Seriously.

Revengefully

Jazz

.

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Comments
  1. Speed bumps are evil.

  2. Dumdad says:

    I enjoyed the “Bob Ross” vid, thanks.I’m afraid I’ve rather lost interest in Euro 2008. I wanted Portugal to win so, of course, they got knocked out.

  3. furiousBall says:

    i’m no soccer fan, but i love rooting for the underdogs too

  4. Jazz says:

    Joe – indeed they areDumdad – I was rooting for Portugal too as my favourite team. I’ve always rooted for Portugal and Brazil in the big competitions. Turkey was my underdog pick, and damn they didn’t disappoint…Fuball – Yeah, someone has to root for the underdog. And damn, they delivered!

  5. ticknart says:

    What do you mean you don’t want to wear your fall clothes now? Come on, it’s almost July!

  6. Ian Lidster says:

    May all of your wishes come true.

  7. VioletSky says:

    May Germany hit a speedbump. And aren’t their colours rather autumnal?hmm, interesting word verification I got this time. One of the 7 you can’t say on tv.

  8. I love your blog!!You are so wonderfully funny, and smart, and you have great taste in art!!Speedbumps are stupid! I have tore up the bottom of more than one car on them. Hit one, one time, so hard that my car went flying, and I looked like Chitty, Chitty Bang Bang–except my tire popped when I hit the ground..LOLHugs!!Suzan

  9. XUP says:

    Go Germany! Seriously, you want Germany to be happy. An unhappy Germany is no fun for anyone. They’re happy when they win soccer. Then they’ll all go back to their little German gingerbread houses and produce lovely little things that make our lives easier and more delicious, like: chocolate, BMWs and Braun appliances, And then they’ll earn lots of money so they can travel all over the world with their 4 months’ vacation and put their funny Deutsch marks into our economy which will be good for us.

  10. I agreee… no winter clothes yet, Please!!!!

  11. geewits says:

    I hate that whole fashion timing thing. If you decide you need a swimsuit in late July you can only get one at a discount store because the “nice” stores have their fall stuff out. And I hate speed bumps anywhere and everywhere. Stupid speed bumps.

  12. Stores are as bad – they start putting out clothes for the next season when you still need stuff for the weatehr you are in.

  13. OneFullHouse says:

    As always, you take the high road. I love that about you.

  14. Hagelrat says:

    Council’s always waste tax money, some of the officers hate that as much as residents but as long as dumbass politicians are in charge the fear of being voted out ofercomes any common sense they might once have had.Speed bumps suck.Everyone wants the Germans to lose. :)Toastie

  15. VioletSky says:

    You got one wish granted.

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