Things I Wonder About

Posted: May 8, 2009 in Uncategorized

– How can I have broken a fingernail to the point it’s bleeding and not even noticed until the blood has dried?

– How much smaller is the apartment than it was in 1912 due to the numerous coats of paint?

– What is the average number of gloves/mittens/scarves lost in Montreal every day in the winter (I just saw a lone mitten hanging off a fence – it’s May, what the hell is it doing there polluting my view ?)

– How do the writers of LOST keep track? Seriously, I wonder about this. This series is just so damn convoluted and twisted, how do they keep track of everything?

– Three or four years ago I could read a 600 page book in two days, in between working and other obligations like feeding myself. Now it takes me a week. Either I’ve slowed down or the world has sped up. I tend to go for the latter option. I refuse to accept age is catching up with me. I’m in denial that way. (sigh)

– Why are survey people not obliged to go by the no call list in Canada? And people selling you subscriptions to newspapers? And why do they not understand when you say you’re not interested? What part of NO do they not understand? And why would anyone willingly do such a thankless job? Wouldn’t working as a telemarketer be a great punishment for misdemeanors? This being said, I love it when they call to sell me the newspaper and I tell them, “Sorry, d’ya have a braille version? I’m blind.” I’m really gonna look like a fool the day one of them says, “Yeah, we do”. But most of them just seem to be really embarrassed at having called in the first place. Sometimes I take pity on them and tell them it’s ok, not their fault I’m “blind”. Mostly not though. Mostly not.

– My boss recently got a Blackberry. I was fiddling with it and kept hitting two keys at a time. The keyboard is really tiny on these things. How do those fat businessmen with their sausage thumbs actually manage to type on those? You know the ones. As soon as the plane rolls to a stop they’re on their Blackberry typing notes of the inane and time wasting “Oh, I’m getting out of my seat now” variety. As if anyone cares. They’re like high school girls when they’re on these things. My point, however, is: How do they manage to hit one key at a time? Have their thumbs evolved to have skinny ends that retract when they’re not thumbing their Berry? The mind boggles.

And on the stupid front:

– How can the idea behind the new GE front load washer have seemed like a wonderful technological jump forward? They are selling a new washer in which you can put up to six months detergent beforehand. It sits there and dispenses as you do new loads. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but adding detergent to a load of laundry isn’t all that time and effort consuming. Of course this way you don’t have to worry whether you added enough laundry detergent because the washer calculates that for you. Cause I dunno about y’all folks, but me, I spend sleepless nights worrying whether I put enough detergent in my last load of laundry ( heavy heavy eye rolling here). Course, they are sorta cute with their triangular glass doors. Are people really gonna buy these washers based on the fact they don’t have to add detergent every time? Are consumers that dumb? OK, forget I asked… What’s next? A washer that will actually sort your clothes for you, iron ’em, fold ’em and put them away? That I might go for.

Meanwhile, in the “I am so ashamed to be Canadian” column :

How can it be that in Canada we have a minister of science and technology who, a couple of months ago refused to answer the question of whether he believed the theory of evolution on the grounds that he’s a Christian and you can’t question someone about their religion!!!

How can we have a minister of culture who, when quizzed about Canadian culture on a talk show, knew only a couple of answers? Granted this was a Quebec show, so him being Anglo, I suppose he can’t be expected to know much about Quebec culture. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt on that, because I’m nice that way, being Canajun an’ all. But! But he hardly did better when quizzed about anglo culture! He did at least know who Rick Mercer was though…

These are the minister of science and technology and the minister of culture of our country!!!

This is the redneck* government who rules us.

Someone give me a rock to hide under please. And send us an Obama clone if it’s not too much to ask?

* My sincerest apologies to all rednecks

  1. Rachel says:

    LOLLove it when you rant!I have a blackberry, and in the beginning I hit two keys at once all the time. I still do, but not as much. With practice, one finds the pointy parts of the thumbs (trust me they’re there!) and we learn how to use them.

  2. geewits says:

    You think the writers of “Lost” are keeping track?I take the Fort Worth paper and when the Dallas paper calls I always say, “I used to live in Dallas. The paper sucks.”I don’t get the fron loading washers. After that thing has filled up and you notice the one sock you dropped, that sock is doomed.I wish the interviewer had said, “Evolution has nothing to do with religion, it is science. I did not ask you a religious question you stupid moron.”

  3. xup says:

    Ha ha – I was wondering the same thing about the paint when I looked at your photos — “this is a really old apartment, I wonder how many coats of paint are on those walls…what if you scraped all the paint off…would the place double in size…Also, I don’t know how these cabinet ministers get appointed – obviously they don’t have to know anything about their portfolio. I guess they just have to kiss the right ass and do it well.

  4. Hagelrat says:

    Ah Jazz rants, it’s a wonderful institution. Bug hugs hunny. Oh an don the washin gmachine thing. I accidentally washed two loads with just fabric softener. They were lovely and soft. Can’t say I lost any sleep.

  5. geewits says:

    Oh, and never apologize to rednecks.

  6. Ricë says:

    those washers are just stupid. unless i’m even more clueless than i think i am, it would be impossible to dye things in the washer because you couldn’t open that front-loading door to add the soda ash. or to adjust the color halfway through. right? and so why would anyone want one, since the main reason you HAVE a washer is to dye stuff? huh?

  7. Maddy says:

    OOo dear. Sorry about the minister, that is a bit embarrassing. As for the washers, they ‘look’ pretty impressive but I’d be far more impressed with the ‘sort, fold and put away’ option rather than ‘dispense detergent option,’ but that’s just me.Cheers

  8. Suldog says:

    I worked as a telemarketer for one day. That was it – one day. And not even a full day at that. It was one of the most hideous jobs I have ever held, and I’ve held some fairly hideous jobs, too. People insulting me, swearing at me, hanging up in the middle of my talking, etc.Not that I blame most of them. I am polite to these people, but, as you say, “No” is easily understood, so when it gets past that, no holds barred!

  9. Ian Lidster says:

    I personally think that too many people in Canada think that Rick Mercer is as funny as Rick Mercer thinks he is. Quite frankly, I find him a predictable bore. That’s what I think.And yes, Lost has become ludicrously convoluted, but I am kind of addicted.

  10. thanks for the perspective on all of us who viewed Canada (at least during the Bush years) as the land of enlightened bacon.

  11. 1) I for one am thankful for Blackberries for busness people because at least I don’t have to listen to their inane cell phone conversations.2) I don’t want a washer that decides how much detergent to use since I believe the recommended amount (recommended by the biased detergent companies) is too much anyway.3) Thank you for acknowledging that rednecks are not gegraphically limited to the southern US as many people seem to believe.

  12. Jazz says:

    Rachel – It’s my pleasure to rant for you…Geewits – Damn. I never thought of the sock thing!XUP – Kissing Harper’s ass? EwwwwHagelrat – You didn’t lose any sleep over it? How awful!!!Geewits – No??Ricë – I don’t even wash my clothes in the washer, I do it on rocks by the river. My washer is exclusively devoted to dyeing stuff. Isn’t everybody’s?Maddy – you and me both. I’d much prefer my washer to do ALL the work.Suldog – Somehow I don’t see you as a telemarketer. Personally, I’d be afraid if you called me.Ian – Myself, I like Mercer – though I haven’t watched him at all this year. As for Lost, I’m beyond “kind of addicted”. I need my fix. Wednesday’s are going to be infinitely more boring starting next week after the end of the season.Coffee – Yeah, well, as soon as Harper got in, the lights dimmed. A lot. ‘Cause Harper was Dubbya,s bitch he was. Now that you have Obama, I don’t know who he’s going to kowtow to.Citizen – 1) true, at least now we don’t have to listen to them as much.2) That’s for damn sure3) Oh, we have ’em too..

  13. lime says:

    ok, on the issue of washers…many years ago when i had occasion to purchase one i had a salesman try to tell me i needed one with computerized sensors to adjust water temp for maximized cleaning and load balance and heavens knows what else. i said, no, i need one that allows me to manually set load size, temp, and gentle/normal cycle, that’s it. i’ve been doing laundry since i was 6 i can make my own decisions about these things and all your technology is just one more thing that can break and make it expensive to fix.

  14. Please don’t be ashamed to be Canadian -As an American with a many decades long passion for Canada, trust me that from over here I can’t see that y’all have a thing to be ashamed of. We may have Obama now, but we paid our shameful dues to earn him. But if you could please make it a tad easier for Americans to immigrate (emigrate?) my husband and I will happily be first in line!In the meantime I’m heading north next week for my umpteenth visit to the fabulous Canadian beauty. This time I’m heading for victoria. Be proud – it’s a lovely country with lovely people (but I will admit that the only Canadian place I haven’t loved has been Montreal….:(Kathy

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