Dear Cyclist

Posted: May 5, 2010 in Uncategorized


Wow. You’re doing the green thang!  Good for you…

Must be great, pedaling along, the wind in your hair, eating bugs now and again. We all need protein….

What you don’t seem to realize though is that riding a bike does not make you a really really fast pedestrian. On your bike, you’re considered a vehicle; as such, you are obliged to follow the rules of the road. You’re, like, a really really small car.

So, stop signs are for you. As are red lights. A four way red light with that picture of the little man? It means vehicles must stop so pedestrians can cross.

Yes asshole, this means you!

It doesn’t mean, “Hey cyclist, cross now cause you’re sure no cars will get in your goddamn way and to hell with whoever is crossing the street”.

Because you count as a fucking vehicle you damn moron!

And because, if you don’t stop, who knows, maybe a pedestrian will stick out a rigid arm and whip you off your damn “oh look at me I’m so cool on my $6000 rich asshole bike” and stomp on your head when you fall.

Just because she can.

Just sayin’ dude.


  1. Dumdad says:

    Hear, hear! (I cycle as well but I do observe the highway code).

  2. HOORAY!! Thank you! Mind if I copy this and hand it out to the next 50 cyclists I see running a red light or zipping in front of me in a 4-way stop? After I stick my arm out, of course.

  3. Dave1949 says:

    Oh man as a cyclist I am string to get very afraid. Now we have to deal with pedestrian rage as well as car rage. You should know that the rules are: The faster you move the more rights you have. That means little children and old people practically have no rights at all, cars and motorized beasties have the most rights and bikes are in between and are allowed to terrorize pedestrians.That said if you do knock them off they of course are no longer faster and you can indeed stomp on them for lying around and not being fast anymore.

  4. Gianna says:

    Yes! Bicyclists are just as annoying for drivers. Around here anyway. And it's totally illegal, though I can't imagine why, to run them down. Even when they are riding 2 or 3 abreast, taking up the whole lane, on back roads, at blind turns. Running lights, stop signs, and ignoring vehicle laws in town has gotten to the point where one just has to watch out for them. As I said, as unfathomable as it is, it is illegal to flatten them. But, oh, if they ever lift that ban… Thanks for the post. And the picture. The morning's looking cheerier already.

  5. ticknart says:

    Are they on the sidewalks, too? Here they ignore the rules of the road and they ride on the sidewalk. Jerks.

  6. Bravo! They also forget that our eyes/brain are not looking for them we are looking for cars coming at us … I often wonder if I will end up hitting one with my car or the door of my car!Wish you would learn how to speak your mind Jazz!

  7. furiousBall says:

    amen, i'm a cyclist myself and it annoys me when i see this kind of stuff.

  8. Jazz says:

    Dumdad – you better or you might meet my arm… Holly – be my guestDave – LOL, you, my friend are safe. From me at least.Gianna – Ah yes, the cyclist chat fest. WTF is with that? You're on a road where cars are doing 90-100 kph and yet you cycle along chatting. Are you freaking insane?Ticknart – Yes, sidewalks. As far as I'm concerned the only person who should be cycling on the sidewalk is anyone under 10 and anyone over 85. Everyone is safer that way.Bonnie – I will try to speak my mind. Honest I will!!!Furball – And I know this was very one-sided. One day I'll post on the asshat drivers and the pedestrians who stand right in the middle of a bike lane waiting for the light to change. Morons abound. We are surrounded by idiots.

  9. geewits says:

    That guy got off lucky with just evil thoughts directed at him. I'm glad he didn't actually run into you. He would probably be singing soprano right now.

  10. Jazz says:

    Geewits – He'd definitely be singing soprano. Actually, he'd probably not be in the mood to sing, but if he were singing, he'd be doing the soprano thing.

  11. Guillaume says:

    They sure are often a plague on the Plateau.

  12. XUP says:

    I blame our urban infrastructure. Cyclists shouldn't be competing for road space with motor vehicles and pedestrians shouldn't be competing for sidewalk space with cyclists. We should all have our own paths. That's why we need segregated cycling paths in downtown areas. It's such a simple thing that most civilized countries take for granted as a no-brainer. Here we're fighting tooth and nail to even try it out.

  13. I fully support cyclists, but I don't care for the ones who feel they are exempt from the normal rules. And motorcycles, too, for that matter. Don't ask me to "share the road" and watch out for motorcyclists unless you are also going to tell them not to go whipping in and out of lanes of traffic in a way that makes them exceedingly hard to track. At that point, I don't feel all that obliged to keep my eyes open for them.

  14. pinklea says:

    I can totally picture you wiping out some no-brain cyclist with your laser-fast, muscular arm! It would be a sight to remember and cherish forever. Let us know when you actually do it! (Notice that it's not "if", but "when". I believe in you, Jazz!)

  15. Big Brother says:

    Hmmm, what about pedestrians who walk along bike paths taking them for super wide sidewalks. You've inspired me to write about the other side of the coin. ;o)

  16. Jocelyn says:

    You've hit on one of my pet peeves…the worst moment of all for me was when a Peacenik Hippy Biker hollered at me for pulling out of a parking garage and not seeing him–and I coulda KILLED HIM. It was only after the fact that I pulled it together enough to holler back, "But you're on the sidewalk, going the wrong way down a one way, not wearing a helmet; in what way are you showing me you treasure your life?"

  17. Jazz says:

    Guillaume – indeed. Especially when they ride on the sidewalk and expect you to hustle out of their way.XUP – Actually, Montreal is has lots of bike paths on its streets. And where space permits lots of them are cut off from the road by a concrete thingybob or whatever they're called.Pink – Muscular… Bwahahahahaahahahahaha. BB – I did admit to this being one sided, see comment to Furball up there… Idiot abound!Warty – oh yeah.Joce – Morons, they're everywhere!

  18. Suldog says:

    Yes, yes, and yes. I think that bicyclists should have to pass a licensing test similar to that taken by motor vehicle drivers.

  19. allison says:

    What a great post to begin reading your blog with :). I have friends who are cyclists and often complain about drivers, and they all claim to obey the rules of the road. But I have never, ever, ever, not ONCE seen a cyclist stop at a stop sign while driving. So hell yeah, sing it sister.

  20. Jazz says:

    Sully – there'd be no cyclists on the road!Alison – LOL… I imagine we'll meet this weekend. I saw on the list that you'd be at the breakfast. I'll be showing up with XUP.

  21. paula says:

    I ditto DumDad! I was almost hit TWICE last week by stupid KIDS riding their bicycles on the sidewalk! I told Paul that it's gonna happen and it'll be bad (broken bones, concussion, etc.) Anyway, I do follow the rules of the road when I'M on my bike. I even use the turning lane and put out my arm to signal my intent. I was taught to be as predicable as you can be to drivers. So…Yeah!

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