Dear dog owner,

Posted: September 14, 2010 in Correspondence

First off, kudos to you for picking up after your dog. Nice of you to not leave the poop in the middle of the sidewalk.

However (you knew that was coming, didn’t you?)

However.

This is a trash bin:

Note the round, barrel like body, the handy cover so your trash remains dry and clean, away from the elements and particularly it odour away from our delicate nasal passages. The idea behind a trash bin is to push the little plastic “face” and insert your trash which will be subsequently picked up by a nice guy called a garbage man (or in some cases a sanitary engineer if you want to be PC about it) in a big, sometimes shiny, most often not, truck. Stick around, it happens a couple of times a week. You can find these handy containers on street corners. Usually there is one every 50  to 100 feet. At worse, the length of a city block. Not a long detour, especially when you’re used to walking your dog. Just a few more steps of exercise.

This, on the other hand, is a parking meter.

I agree that the space between the two meters is a handy-dandy place to leave your shit (literally) but that is not its main use. No. People put money in these meters for the privilege of parking their cars in the street.  Money from the meters is regularly gathered by the city and, eventually, a small part of that money might find its way into the trash can budget – you know, those handy bins where you’re supposed to leave the poop. Personally, I think most of the money ends up in the city’s fund for employee use in the vending machines, but that’s a whole different blog post.

Now, if you insist on not leaving the excrement in the trash bin, another alternative is open to you. Take it home and put it in your own trash.  Or if you really want to, I suppose you could flush it down the toilet. Just be sure to take it out of the plastic bag first.  I thought I’d add that caveat because you seem rather stupid, and I wouldn’t want to be responsible for your toilet overflowing.

Respectfully,

Jazz

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Comments
  1. lime says:

    that is just disgusting. what the hell is wrong with people?

  2. VioletSky says:

    It does seem a little odd, how much effort people will put themselves through to find a spot to leave their poop bags anywhere other than a garbage can.
    I bet one could start a whole website on this.

  3. geewits says:

    Well that’s just retarded. Poor dog. They probably feed it rib bones, too. And chocolate.

  4. tattytiara says:

    “This, on the other hand, is a parking meter.”

    That, on a completely different hand, was hilariously built up to, and that, on… I think we’re up to four hands now?, is why I do so enjoy your blog.

  5. Jocelyn says:

    I’m trying to envision an alternative narrative, wherein the dog poop owner tucked the bag there for retrieval once he leaves the bank and heads back into his car…he didn’t want the stinky poop locked up in his hot car for an hour before having to get back into the vehicle, so he hangs it outside and grabs it before he pulls away. Maybe?

    Then again, who takes a dog to the bank?

  6. mrwriteon says:

    As a dog owner I commend you for this. Now, who would bother picking up shit (the lowest of the low don’t even pick it up and they shoud be executed) but then not deposit it? I want their names.

  7. e says:

    I’m laughing at this…and just as I was contemplating getting a service dog!!

  8. pinklea says:

    That is bizarre behaviour. I really have nothing else to say. It’s just completely weird.

  9. geogypsy says:

    How hard can this be? Lazy f..kers!

  10. Em says:

    That’s so wrong.

  11. lime says:

    ps…tag, you’re it….

  12. Maybe they planned to retrieve it later? Or perhaps had a vendetta against the meter maid? No? Okay, they’re idiots.

  13. Shrinky says:

    Oh, I laughed out loud when I saw the second picture – I just love your caustic wit, not to mention your observational powers! I am picturing you stepping back to frame that shot, and passer’s-by crossing the road to avoid the crazy-shit-lady – haaaaaaaaa! Maybe the person who left that there has a vandetta going against parking wardens?

  14. Jazz says:

    Geogypsy – Apparently quite hard

    Em – So many levels of wrong

    Lime – I am?

    SAW – Idiots. Only rational answer

    Shrinky – I’m hoping I didin’t scare too many pedestrians. It was early morning after all.

  15. amanda says:

    hilarious post. just popped over from dumdad’s site – now off to explore the rest of your blog….

  16. Suldog says:

    People suck.

    (Has anybody else said that yet? Even if someone has, it bears repeating.)

  17. G says:

    It’s happening everywhere! What’s going on!? There must be a microbe that lives in dog-poop that manipulates people into spreading it around…

  18. Warty Mammal says:

    Aw, hell. What is WRONG with some folks? Do they just not give a hang about how their actions affect others? Maybe there’s a sociopathic streak or something.

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