Posted: September 21, 2010 in Uncategorized

Menopause, permimenopause, the change of life, whatever the hell you want to call it, it sucks.

I don’t care what Oprah, Martha Stewart or any other of those arbiters of life as a woman have to say. The whole “it’s a wonderful time of transition and discovery” (insert exclamation points and excited voices as needed) school of thought has obviously overdosed on happy pills. Or they are out and out lying. Or they are totally deranged, as is the “I embrace my period and I love it because it represents the goddess speaking to me through my femininity” contingent.

Bullshit. They don’t call it the curse for nothing. And getting rid of that is the only good thing that can come of mentalpause.

I can deal with the mood swings** (I’ve been moody all my life so, whatever), I can deal with the wanting to tear someone’s arm off and beat him with it just because it seems like a great way to pass the time right at this instant.

I can deal with the skin drying out to the consistency of 2000 year old papyrus, the meno-brain, the irritability (ref: mood swings and beating the shit out of people).

I can even do the anxiety, breathing deeply and knowing it will pass in a half hour, an hour at most. Even the bugs crawling around under my skin I can deal with, and no, it’s not delirium tremens, it’s documented and called formication (again, no, not forNIcation).


The insomnia? Not so much.

I’ve always been a heavy sleeper. A head hits pillow I’m out like a light sleeper. The type of person who can barely function on six hours sleep. Seven is borderline, eight is good, ten is optimum.

So four hours sleep does not do it for me. At all. Four hours of sleep is only acceptable if it is caused by jet lag because I’m coming back from Europe.

Four hours of sleep is definitely unacceptable just for the hell of it. It makes me irritable, annoyed and brain impaired, which annoys me even more and makes me want to beat people over the head with their severed arms. This is not good for me. Nor, if this keeps up, will it be good for the general population.

How parents do it, I don’t have a clue. And I suspect it’s one of the reasons I never had kids. I can’t imagine going through this bullshit twice in a lifetime.

** Mr. Jazz might beg to differ, but if he does he should perhaps look at the subsemquent sentence. 😉

  1. Just found you, interesting blog. Warmly, Karen

  2. mrwriteon says:

    As a spouse I have been through it twice, with my first and now current wife. Experience doesn’t make the ‘receiving’ end easier. Wendy has been doing the insomnia stuff for ages, and the hot flashes — which usually means she has whipped the duvet off the bed — are albeit milder but still ongoing. I have huge sympathy for all of you. Makes my boy ‘change’ seem like a trifling thing. No, not entirely a lot of fun, but still less severe.

  3. pinklea says:

    I hear ya loud and clear! The insomnia is the worst part for me, too. I have just started getting hot flashes, and I think they only last about 15 seconds, so that’s not a big deal. I haven’t noticed much else going on – yet. I’m told it’ll get worse before it gets better.


  4. Big Brother says:

    This to will pass Lil’ sister… but then again Mrs. BB seems to need even less sleep than before… So embrace your inner goddess and know that with the hot flashes you’ll be warmer this winter. ;o)

  5. geewits says:

    Ha ha! @ Big Brother! You will not be cold this winter. Okay you’re going to want to rip my arm off and beat me over the head with it, but I just realized last week that I don’t really have hot flashes anymore. I mean I still feel overly hot sometimes but I’ve been like that all my life. I mean I don’t wake up feeling like I’m about to burst into flames anymore. I have no idea why all my stuff happened so early but I’m all good with it because “the curse” really was and that’s been gone for 4 years.
    I know every person’s body is different, but I found that ibuprophen taken before you go to bed helps you sleep and stay cool. I hope it works for you.

  6. choochoo says:

    I’m not in menopause yet and I’ve always known that stuff was bull. I’m hoping that by the time I get there, medicine will have discovered a pill to give you that’ll just magically make it go away

  7. alison says:

    I am not looking foward to menopause. Mostly because my two daughters will be going through puberty at about the same time. Our house, or the ‘Casa del Estrogen’ as we like to call it, will not be a fun place. Stay away. Stay far, far away.

  8. Jazz says:

    Ian – I feel for you. Naw, I’m too annoyed today. 😉

    Pink – Actually I haven’t been having much in the way of hot flashes thankfully.

    BB – If the insomnia meant I needed less sleep, I would be a happy camper!

    Geewits – Four years? Wow. It’s only been a few months here – fingers crossed.

    Choochoo – Hope that works out for you!

    Alison – Ouch. Oh well, it will make for some really good blog posts!

  9. geogypsy says:

    Please try Black Cohosh. It will help with all these symptoms, including sleep with out the night sweats. I, and many lady friends, swear by it.

  10. Warty Mammal says:

    Aw, hell. I’m sorry. The thing I find most annoying is being conscious of the process. At least during adolescence I was kind of oblivious.

  11. Jocelyn says:

    Holy Mother Gypsy Rose, honey, but you just described my near future, and I shrieked a little! I hadn’t even realized skin dries out, too. Hell.

    Btw, I tried about 18 times last week to visit your blog from an Internet cafe, and kept getting error messages…I was able to visit other blogs at this time, so I don’t know what was up; just want you to know I’m trying, if not always succeeding.

  12. Jeaux says:

    Sleep is my favorite pass time. Awakening in the morning is a shock to my system. I had a sympathetic hot flash reading this post. I need a nap.

    National Geographic did a sleep issue a couple of months ago. I agree with what one of its readers wrote:

    “Sleep research might be more productive if sleep were considered to be the normal state of an organism and waking to be an alert state entered for special purposes only, such as feeding, reproducing, and defense. Really, there is little point in being awake unless on needs to be. Otherwise, wakefulness is a waste of energy.”

    Cats figured this out eons ago.

  13. tattytiara says:

    Bleeding girl bits = license to eat whatever the hell I want.

    Damn right I embrace my period.

    I do not embrace insomnia, though. Hope you get sleep soon!

  14. lime says:

    sleep deprivation too? god, no. please tell me you made that up. i’ve paid my dues.

  15. I have never had PMS symptoms, so I’m hoping menopause will not be a big issue. The only downside to perimenopause has been more frequent periods (hey, I LOVED my 48 day cycles!) but I’ve sidestepped them now entirely with continuous birth control. But ever since I had my first baby, I’ve developed a sort of body-as-furnace thing when I lie down to sleep. Within minutes, I’ve out from under the covers. Not hot flashes, just continuous radiating heat. And insomnia? I’ve had it all my life anyway.

  16. I found your blog via the your interview with Eddie today. Really enjoyed the interview and found this post particularly enlightening. I’d rather know the truth of what menopause is all about instead of some idiotic dressed up lie so thank you. I am going to enjoy my sleep even more now, knowing what is likely to come in a few years!

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