Dear…

Posted: October 29, 2010 in Uncategorized

Dear Celine,

Please please please, reign in that nasty old geezer you call a husband. How many interviews has he given to the Journal de Montréal since you gave birth? Really, should we care?

OK, so maybe he’s over the moon about the fact his frozen sperm ( is it really his?) can still get you pregnant once you’re on sabbatical from making him millions in Vegas, but jeez, do we really need to know how quickly you’re recovering and the fact that you’re breast feeding? In detail. The man is a total douche. Seriously, you had twins, good for you, but lots of women do it, and without nannies and such to care for them.

So, yeah, please shut him up. The only interview I’d really like to see is one with your firstborn who has just seen his inheritance cut by two thirds.

Evilly,

Jazz

***********************************************************

Dear Girl on the Bus,

Just shut the hell up already. We do not need to know all the details of your evening and the unfairness of the parentally  imposed 1:00 am curfew you must live under. You don’t seem in such dire straits there, talking on your iPhone with your iPod nano (the new teeny tiny one) clipped to your jacket like a trophy. Let’s not even go into the Tommy clothes and Nikes.

Besides, as you pointed out, without even realizing the irony of your horrible situation, “Mom will pick me up at 1:00 – and the party won’t even be oooooveeeeeeerrrrrrrr !!”

You don’t even have to find your way home. Your mother is picking you up. You think she doesn’t have anything better to do? Hello!?

You are an annoying little prat.

I repeat:  SHUT.  THE.  HELL.  UP.

Eye-rollingly,

Jazz

 

 

 

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Comments
  1. mrwriteon says:

    My dearest Jazz is back in form, hooray. Celine breastfeeding — picture a Homer Simpson shudder here.
    Girl on the bus — you have those ungrateful little baggages there, too. I guess it’s endemic.

  2. Pearl says:

    Ha! ha! Get outta my head!! 🙂

    Pearl

  3. VioletSky says:

    Didn’t Celine do this with her first kid?
    Maybe that girl on the bus should be sent to live with Celine for a week and be forced to listen to the details …

  4. lime says:

    add celine to the list of people i want to go away. seriously…all of them, just go away.

  5. Jocelyn says:

    A part of me wants to think that Celine was once the girl on the bus…

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