I’m pretty sure all those awful stream of conciousness novels were written in February

Posted: February 15, 2011 in Uncategorized

This morning I spent a good five minutes wondering if bi-monthly meant twice a month or every two months.

I know this, and yet I wasted five minutes of my day wondering about it. Maybe I should have been wondering why the word even popped into my head.

Maybe I should make very sure I don’t try to think at all first thing in the morning.

Mornings are too grey

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Winter is dragging on. And on, and on.  It’s gotten to the point where I’m pretty sure I’ve died and gone to hell for my snarkiness and spring will never ever come again. I dunno who decided that hell was eternal flames, but if there were a hell, I’m pretty sure would be eternal cold and slush. Yep.

And grey.  Everything’s grey, the streets are grey, the cars are grey, the city is grey, sky is grey (and yet the sun is blazing – take my word for it it’s still grey). Even the people are grey. I’m in dire need of green.

Adding insult to injury, according to ChooChoo,  up there in Scandinavia, the snow? It is gone.

Adding insult to the insult Ian recently told me they had crocuses in BC. Ian is obviously the devil in disguise

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On a brighter note:  Office work eats your soul.  OK, on a different note.

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Did your mother ever say to you: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all? Yeah me too. I guess this would be my cue to shut the hell up.

On the other hand, why are we expected to be all pink bubbles and glitter enemas all the time?

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I was recently given a Kindle.  I love me my Kindle. The Kindle is a little plastic lump of luuuuuuuuv.

It’s easy to transport, it’s light, easy to use.

And you can be reading real crappy February dreck and no one will ever know. For all they know you could be reading Dostoyevski.

Which I downloaded for free. Along with the complete Mark Twain for $0.99 – but I’m not reading that, I’m reading some February fluff, because a girl needs brain dead crap in February. Though I could be reading Mr. D.

But then I’d have to kill myself. Because seriously, Dostoyevsky and the tortured slavic soul in February? Not so terribly much.

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Because February is the asshole of the year. Of course it’s halfway done by now. And how the hell did that happen? I mean, I’m happy it’s going, but how the hell is it that yesterday was January and now February is half gone? How can time zip by so terrifyingly quickly and yet drag on and on and on at the same time. Isn’t there some law of physics that says that can’t be happening?

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The only thing I remember about my physics class is that when two trains meet the will cross paths at the combined speed of the two trains. Unless they’re on the same track, in which case different laws of physics come into play. The ones involving blood and gore.

I like blood and gore. Zombies and such make me happy.

The only thing I remember about chemistry is that things can explode.

Strangely enough (or maybe not) I tend to shy away from both chemistry and physics. And math. Math is a whole other circle of hell.

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Actually hell is probably standing naked, ankle deep in slush in -30 degree weather with the wind howling from the west and being obliged to do algebra problems in your head. And nary a zombie to be seen.

When it’s grey.

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Comments
  1. plume says:

    Curious … my sky is blue, very,very blue … and we are living 15 km aparts! It is cold alright but the sun brings a taste of the end of the winter … ok! differently than you, I believe that, if they exist, hell is quite red and hot and heaven is blue and … refreshing.

    I agree with you on kindle … and Dostoiovski ….

  2. mrwriteon says:

    I want me one of them glitter enemas. I think the spangly-effect could be dazzling. Otherwise, you’re baaaaaaaaaaaack and I missed your short-takes on the world, despite the greyness of February. We’re grey, too, croci notwithstanding.

  3. Dumdad says:

    I think you’re my female doppelganger; I hear many personal echoes in this post. Sod February. Except it’s my son’s birthday this Saturday and that’s a day of joy. At least, being in February means that Spring is close by. I hate winter and grey skies and grey faces and grey whatever.

  4. Big Brother says:

    Winter getting you down lil sister? ;o)

  5. Rachel says:

    HI JAZZ I MISSED YA!

    My personal hell is sub-zero wind at a party in which my dinner companions are all Right-wing capitalist a-holes.

    • Jazz says:

      Hmm. Yeah the right wing assholes might be worse than the algebra… but I’m not quite sure. They’re definitely not worse than trigonometry.

  6. tattytiara says:

    My February survival plan is just to check season after season of project runway out of the library until it’s over. Definitely no Russian literature of any sort!

  7. geewits says:

    I have a great idea: Plan your next desert getaway for February. I feel terribly guilty because February here is when I first start getting some sun. It was slow this year but now the weather is great.

    My Sweetie loves loves loves his Kindle.

    On a bright note, tonight our show comes back on. woot woot!!!

  8. Choochoo says:

    If it makes you feel any better, Denmark is the only part of scandi without that problem. They say we’ll officially have greenness is march 😛

  9. e says:

    Poor you! We too have green and have had beautiful, cool days…

  10. lime says:

    i’m pretty sre i will never again come across a post juxtaposing glitter enemas and the drear of reading dostoyevsky in february again. i needed that. thanks.

  11. Jocelyn says:

    Baby, you got your Kindle? You did? That’s the best upside ever to a February!

    I’m signing off now before I tell you that we’re sitting here with the windows open, the kids doing their math, and that I’m going for a run later in short sleeves…

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